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First blog post

This is the post excerpt.

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My Soul is now a beautiful and chaotic mess. So it begins. 

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Beautiful Pergatory 

Here i sit, yet again. I tell myself I will not succumb to my need to hear from you. I will be strong. I will stay steadfast and look forward. 
Days go by. Weeks begin to stack. Tears begin to fall. 

I can do this. I will not let yoy see my pain. I will bot let you know your power.

Phone rings. Your photo strewn across my screen. I tell myself don’t out loud. My heart screams ANSWER! That moment the heart wins. Your voice sets my soul afire. Ales the hurricane in my head. The ocean between us will never stop my entirety from yerning for you lips and all that is attached to them. 

Defective Shield 

I think my shield is defective. I need a refund. 

Every time I think I’m able to block my feelings for you and not care if you answer my messages/calls or not; you slip through a default in my weathered shield in front of my heart and mind. 

The minute my phone goes off, I silently beg not to let it be you. At the same time hoping that it is you. 

This shield was supposed to protect my heart and mind. Dammit, this thing is defective. 

Lost in Lyrics

Note after note I’m gone. Falling deeper and deeper in to my personal pool of tears. 

You have put my heart here. You have thrown me overboard with lyrics tied to my ankles dragging me under. 

I’m needed just as soon as I dont care to be. Lost in the convenience of your memory. I’m screaming under water. Every time I say goodbye. – r.lum.r

I wonder if you ever think of me like I engulf myself with you. I sit in my corner sulking in the my thoughts of what used to be. Sails high on oceans of chords. No matter the song, I always find you in the lyrics. 

Hearts’ Compromise

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You…

You take up so much of my heart, that there’s barely any space left for even the smallest of a child to occupy a portion. Years have stacked up on this weathered heart like dust on sheet covered furniture in an abandoned house. Random lines here and there. Never losing contact. Keeping that light ripple in that ocean between us alive.

You…

Here you stand. In front of me. This day, I never thought we’d ever see it.
Heart calm down.
Pace yourself.
Lungs relax.
Deep breaths.
Mind, keep it together.
This roller coaster is off to a rough start. My entire existence now has to be re-evaluated. You stir this cauldron of emotions and I don’t have the proper flotation device.

You…

You are Home. My soul spirals into it’s calm. All my fears at this moment disappear. Your embrace; I melt into  your arms. Lay my ear on your chest and become one with your heartbeat again. Inhale your fragrance. Letting it burn into my memory once again. Feeling you tower over me.
My rock.
My happiness.
My world.
My reason.
You have returned for this one fleeting moment. My heart for once in years is at it’s same level as my mind. I’ll take this. I’ll savor this. I’ll never let this go.

 

 

Initial Thoughts #love #drawntogether

Here we are. Words. Expressions. Thoughts. When your name flows through my thoughts, my entire body falls at ease. Like your name is home. Years have passed and I thought that things would be different. Wrong…. You roll back in like a heatwave over the beach in summer. Messing up everything I thought I might have buried in the filing cabinets of my mind. Memories fly around in my head like papers being thrown in the air. Now this caged birds is begging to be set free. That these chains around my ankles be cut. That my wings can feel the wind yet again. Once solid ground has now crumbled with the shaking of my soul. Now begins the fight to hold myself together. More hard than I’d ever imagined.